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Bolzoni.eu
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Paolo's Satires
Boris Senior Service. © Paolo Bolzoni, 2022
Limerick There is a blonde, and some say, witty elf Who thinks far, far too much of himself He lives in Downing number ten Within earshot of Big-Ben Government warning! Lies can seriously damage your health.
© Paolo Bolzoni, January 2022 |
The Gospel According to Paolo I was once sitting on top of a hill next to Jesus. He was telling the parable of the chap in Downing Street 10 who spent his life telling lies. I told Jesus: “Forgive him Lord, for he is just a buffoon, he does not realise what he says”. Jesus turned to me and said: “You just pulled words out of my mouth. Let’s have a pint, mate”. In the pub, everyone looked and pointed at me (of course nobody knew Jesus, he was not a resident in the pub), but nobody dared to speak to me. I told Jesus: “See old boy, they are Boris’ Cabinet, they just keep their mouth shut”. Amen © Paolo Bolzoni, 16 February 2022 |
Our Boris Our Father, who am in heaven, hallowed be my name; my lies come; thy will be done on earth as I do in Downing Street 10. Give us this day your daily lie, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who are honest; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from truth. Amen. |
Credo in Boris Padre nostro, che sono nei cieli, sia santificato il mio nome, ben vengano le mie menzogne, venga il mio regno, sia fatta la mia volontà, come in Downing Street 10 così in terra. Dacci oggi la tua menzogna quotidiana, e rimetti a noi i nostri debiti come anche noi li rimettiamo alle persone oneste, e non abbandonarci alla tentazione, ma liberaci dalla verità. Amen |
I SAW A CLOWN – © Paolo Bolzoni, 22 May 2022 Transposition of “Ho visto un re”, by Dario Fo, 1968, interpreted by Enzo Jannacci. Dario Fo won the 1997 Nobel Prize for Literature. Enzo Jannacci is a legend of Milanese cabaret. Dedicated to Britain who have to put up with this Cabinet of Monstrosities. With apologies for not complying with consecutio temporum. |
Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah I saw a buffoon You saw what? I saw a buffoon, a clown! Oh yeah, come on, tell us more A clown sitting in Downing 10 He cried so many tears But so many that He also wet Larry Poor clown And also poor cat Yes well, ah well |
No more parties, no more booze No more money to pay for fines The Queen couldn’t join the party It's COVID and the NHS It is NATO and the EU who ignore him At the meetings they turn their backs LOL at what he says LOL at what he does Poor clown Poor Queen Poor NHS And happy is the EU now free of him Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more |
I saw an undertaker You saw what? I saw an undertaker, a Mog Oh yeah, come on, tell us more The undertaker, he too, He was crying, shouting his rage He also bit a hand Whose hand? The hand of Ursula von der Leyen Poor Mog And also poor Ursula Yes well, ah well |
It is the clown who put him in charge Of Brexit To mog with style He messed up all opportunities Bloody NI Treaty Poor undertaker Poor opportunities And also poor Ireland Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more |
I saw a Pretty You saw what? I saw a Pretty, Pretty Expel Oh yeah, come on, tell us more She was crying so much Nobody understands her warm heart Trying to help the poor migrants After all the troubles and tribulations Of dangerous crossings in cold waters Yes well, ah well |
The Ukrainians are not used to ales They love their vodka Stay put in France, you’ll find excellent soup kitchens Nourishing frog meat And the tan chaps, shivering and cold Need to warm up in hot Rwanda Full board in 5-star hotels Poor migrants Poor kitchens Poor Rwanda And also poor hotels Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more |
I saw a vampire You saw what? I saw a vampire, a Rishit Oh yeah, come on, tell us more He was crying over a bag of quids Taken from the poor to give to the rich Drinking their poor blood Their blood is also poor Yes well, ah well |
Left very thirsty he begged the oligarchs To let him drink their blood In return for a blind eye Poor vampire Poor rich blokes And also poor oligarchs Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more |
I saw a witch You saw what? I saw a witch, a Liz-ard Oh yeah, come on, tell us more She was crying over 20 tanks 100 fighter jets 300 costal guard ships to shoot at the migrants crossing 1,000 missiles 20,000 bombs She cried so much She wet the fuses, all became useless Yes well, ah well |
Her cold reptile blood turned so chilly She needed to warm up With good old Russian vodka At the thought of sentencing Saudi scholars to death They own books not authorised by the Kingdom At the thought of messing up peace At the relaxing sound of bombs devastating cities Poor Liz-ard Poor weapons And also poor peace Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more |
The EU, Ursula, NATO, the allies, the poor, the migrants Even Biden Not Putin They ruined this Cabinet of Monstrosities’ dreams Yes well, ah well, yes well, ah well Come on, tell us more But the British don’t cry, they don't cry In fact they are giggling Ah! Ah! Ah! Giggling, are they mad? No! |
The fact is that we British We British Always happy we must be For our complaints hurt the clown, Hurt the undertaker, hurt the pretty, hurt the vampire and hurt the witch They can’t screw Britain if we complain! Always happy we must be For our complaints hurt the clown, Hurt the undertaker, hurt the pretty, hurt the vampire and hurt the witch They can’t screw Britain if we complain! |
Silvio Berlusconi
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Matteo Salvini
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AIESEC Daily Smash
VLADIMIR PUTIN, frame this in your office and stare at it!
When students from all over the world could have a hearty laugh at international politics.
When détente gave us all a future to look forward to.
This is one of the Daily Smash issues, distributed each morning to all delegates to the AIESEC International Congress in Switzerland, 1976. I attended in the capacity of President of AIESEC Italy.
It is very funny. It’s a motion proposed by the Vatican, signed by Pope Paul VI, and seconded by Russia, signed by Leonid Brezhnev.
The president of AIESEC USSR Vladimir Corovin wrote it.
RAI – RADIO TELEVISIONE ITALIANA
ATTENZIONE, ISTRUZIONI DA SEGUIRE IN CASO DI EMERGENZA.
COME FUGGIRE DAL PIANETA TERRA QUANDO LA RAI MINACCIA DI FARVI PERDERE L’ULTIMA BRICIOLA DI INTELLIGENZA.
1. Telefonate alla NASA, al numero +1-202-358-0001. Spiegate che dovete lasciare la Terra al più presto possibile.
2. Se la NASA non fosse disposta ad aiutarvi, telefonate alla Casa Bianca, al numero +1-202-456-1111, chiedete di parlare con Joe Biden. Chiedete a Joe di fare pressione su Bill Nelson, capo esecutivo della NASA per aiutarvi a fuggire.
Nelson è stato nominato dal Presidente degli Stati Uniti al quale deve cieca obbedienza.
3. Se Joe Biden avesse cose più importanti a cui pensare, non perdetevi d’animo a telefonate al Kremlino, al numero +7-495-697-0349. Chiedete di parlare con Vladimir Putin. Putin ha pochissima influenza sulla NASA, ma provare non costa niente.
4. Se anche questa possibilità sfumasse, telefonate al Vaticano al numero +39-06-6982. Chiedete di parlare con un certo scior Francesco. Il centralino fornisce un servizio impeccabile.
Se non stesse parlando dalla finestra, il buon Francesco risponderà subito e vi consolerà con consigli fraterni e benedizione gratuita.
5. Se tutti i tentativi fallissero, andate in un grande prato di notte, aspettate che passi un’astronave e fate l’astrostop.
Appena saliti a bordo, spiegate che per voi è d’importanza vitale fuggire dalla Terra prima di ricevere l’avviso di pagamento del canone RAI.
Abbiate fede, tutte le specie intelligenti della galassia conoscono la demenzialità dei programmi RAI. Vi accoglieranno a braccia aperte e vi daranno un passaggio per uno dei miliardi di pianeti dove la ricezione dei programmi RAI è oscurata.
Buon viaggio. Purtroppo non posso venire con voi, zia Carlotta si è slogata un dito.
P.S. Spediteci una cartolina quando arrivate!
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